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I have to say that, through the years, I’ve had probably three friends. And I don’t just mean people I would have sleepovers with, I counted everyone I have ever spoken to without having to specifically fret over it. 

This is due to many things: taught anti-social tendencies, social anxiety, and a generally cynical personality along with my depression made me not only unappealing to others, but very afraid of social situations. 

Everything I have ever done has been surrounded with a general panic, especially if it involved people. I could speak with someone everyday for two years and still think “I should just see if they approach me first.” It took me months to even realize that I could speak to my boyfriend without waiting for him to start a conversation. Three years later I still feel extremely awkward in any new situation.

Despite my lack of friends, I have never felt inadequate in any way. While my life has not exactly been easier, it has been more simple. Because I never belonged to any “group” of people, I was able to work with anyone on projects or what have you without feeling like I was being judged. I was seen as me, not who I hung out with. I have also never expected much from anyone, giving me incentive to become very self-sufficient in my own way.

Perhaps the reason I have never needed friends is I have always been very close to my two sisters. They are the people I can come home to an do anything with. This has been a huge help, though it may be the reason I never cared for others’ companionship. I had my two best friends to be with everyday no matter what.

If you struggle with making friends and don’t have family to fall back on, I would suggest joining a group or club. Not something like a sport where everyone will know each other, but (for me, at least) a drama club would be very helpful. There are so many jobs that new people will need to join every season. Backstage, on stage, lights, sound, sets, etc. This makes it not only very easy to find a place where you are comfortable, but you will naturally meet people with similar issues. While you may or may not meet a new best friend this way, you will definitely find a few people who you can speak to if you really need something.


Father’s Day (First post)


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So, father’s day. The day we celebrate the parent who is often overlooked. Maybe this is unusual, but I (a female) feel like my father has had a much larger influence on upbringing than my mother has. 

This is not to say that my mother is an alien to me or anything, she is fantastic. I know how lucky I am to have grown up with my married, committed, parents who have never once fought. My mother is a person who tries so hard that she burns herself out. From staying up for days to finish a photoshop project to making sure that the Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, and Santa all had slightly different handwriting. More on her later, this is about the men in my family.

My dad is an enigma to me. He’s the tough as nails motorcycle enthusiast. He loves Hello Kitty. He is the conspiracy theorist. He is the Existential-Catholic-Responsible Anarchist-Libertarian. He’s the guy you want as a boss and a friend but who would kick his own brother out before doing a poor job at something. He loves women and holds my mother above any other. 

If dad hated country music, so did I. He was my superhero! He fixed things by touching them and was the strongest guy I’d ever seen. He’s the reason I rarely swear, never thought of drugs, and respected the law. 

He’s been everything from a bouncer to a janitor, always helping people. His willingness to do anything for anyone has payed off many times. When we needed a new porch there was a man who helped build it for the low price of an old lawnmower. 

Dad is so ridiculously humble as well. He pretends to be a cynical old geezer, but just seeing him on the phone with his employees proves otherwise. He will stay on the line for an hour explaining simple boiler maintenance to someone who should know already, never getting angry. He went into work every day-off he had at the factory, despite the fact that they didn’t pay him for a month; a blow our family never recovered from.

Speaking of which, he has never been frugal. He has never had money. He filed for bankruptcy twice. However, he has never shied away from the Sargento cheese and the Salen’s hot dogs; expensive for us. He buys anything with the word “new” on it. Including our giant flat-screen tv.

While my dad is the most kind-hearted person I’ve met he’s anything but soft. He will fire anyone who doesn’t live up to his expectations, but does it in the most gentle way possible. When his brother got into a fight with the neighbors which ended up breaking a window, my uncle was kicked out of the house that morning. After my dad sent apology notes to the entire street for the noise. 

My grandfather was a policeman. I will always remember the story Dad tells of watching “Papa” gently draw the man across the street out of his barricaded home before grabbing him by the neck and flipping him onto the hood of the police car. 

My great-grandfather was in the military, but we don’t like to talk about Opa’s adventures captaining the U-boat…