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I have to say that, through the years, I’ve had probably three friends. And I don’t just mean people I would have sleepovers with, I counted everyone I have ever spoken to without having to specifically fret over it. 

This is due to many things: taught anti-social tendencies, social anxiety, and a generally cynical personality along with my depression made me not only unappealing to others, but very afraid of social situations. 

Everything I have ever done has been surrounded with a general panic, especially if it involved people. I could speak with someone everyday for two years and still think “I should just see if they approach me first.” It took me months to even realize that I could speak to my boyfriend without waiting for him to start a conversation. Three years later I still feel extremely awkward in any new situation.

Despite my lack of friends, I have never felt inadequate in any way. While my life has not exactly been easier, it has been more simple. Because I never belonged to any “group” of people, I was able to work with anyone on projects or what have you without feeling like I was being judged. I was seen as me, not who I hung out with. I have also never expected much from anyone, giving me incentive to become very self-sufficient in my own way.

Perhaps the reason I have never needed friends is I have always been very close to my two sisters. They are the people I can come home to an do anything with. This has been a huge help, though it may be the reason I never cared for others’ companionship. I had my two best friends to be with everyday no matter what.

If you struggle with making friends and don’t have family to fall back on, I would suggest joining a group or club. Not something like a sport where everyone will know each other, but (for me, at least) a drama club would be very helpful. There are so many jobs that new people will need to join every season. Backstage, on stage, lights, sound, sets, etc. This makes it not only very easy to find a place where you are comfortable, but you will naturally meet people with similar issues. While you may or may not meet a new best friend this way, you will definitely find a few people who you can speak to if you really need something.

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